Has anyone ever noticed how we are surrounded by media that promotes us making our dreams come true? I keep hearing the theme song for the new(er) Pokémon, series ‘Journey starts today…’ playing around in my head.
Hmm, actually maybe it’s not all media, just what my son consumes…
Anyway, when we’re working towards a goal, or a dream for us romantics, it can quickly become all consuming. To the point where we can begin to feel guilty and like failures when we aren’t able to dedicate as much time as usual to achieving that goal. This is kind of where I am at the moment; I’ve mentioned regularly about my new job and the training, blah, blah, blah… and though I’ve had a few moments of inspiration and managed to release one story this year, I find myself getting anxious because I fear my dream is sliding through my fingers like sand.
I can’t get off the train I’m on, it’s the source of my financial stability. As the crippling cost of living rises, I’m not afforded the luxury of turning down opportunities to make more money. However, I feel frustrated because I genuinely (perhaps delusion-ally) believe my books will make a living income if I can just get enough of them out. But the time I need to dedicate to get them there would leave me with a huge gap of time where I got no muneh. I’d love to be a fly on the wall for the child services conversation where my son explains, ‘It’s okay, Mummy is going to start buying food again as soon as she’s famous for writing her sex books.’
But here’s what I’ve started to realise; slowing down does not mean stopping. Yes, my traction is slower, but this is only for a year. I can’t allow my frustration to develop into defeat, I’m not done.
Delays are inevitable, but if we allow ourselves as writers or dreamers to give up when life slows us down, the only guarantee we have is that we really won’t make it. We have to try not to get to caught up in the moment and remember that this is all part of the journey. (Which, according to Ash and his pals, starts today-ay.) There will be good years and bad years, and they’ll all make compelling stories for when I’m so highly regarded I’ll be asked to do a Ted Talk on what it takes to be smut writer. Watch this space.
Myley Cyrus famously sang, ‘Ain’t about how fast I get there, ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side. It’s the climb.’
I don’t know how appropriate it is for me to make a ‘it’s the cli-MAX’ joke here, but I’ll leave it with you all to play with at your leisure…